Admit It! Every Woman Needs a Man.

November 10, 2021 Dati, 25 years old palang ako nung nasimulang matutong mag-sulat dito. Di ko alintana ang panahon, dahil sa sobrang bilis. Maliban sa parang nag-iskip ka sa dalawang taon ng buhay mo dahil kay COVID 19 eh naging sobrang busy na rin dahil sa career na walang label. Minsan napag-isip-isip ko nakakapagod na. Nakakapagod mag-trabaho dahil sa routine works na ginagawa ko, idagdag pa na nakakasawa na rin makisama sa mga taong may iba't ibang opinyon sa buhay.   May mga pagkakataon pa na nalulungkot na ako sa buhay ko, gusto kong umiyak pero kailangan kong maging matatag. Lagi ko nalang sinasabi sa sarili ko na,"Hoy!, di ka pwede maging mahina dahil walang sasalo sayo".  Minsan kapag nagso-scroll ako sa news feeds ko sa facebook (Meta) lalo lang ako nakakaramdam ng sobrang lungkot dahil sila masaya, habang ako sawang sawa na sa kakapanggap na masaya, nakangiti, poker face at mukhang walang emosyon, pero ang totoo ang bigat bigat na sa pakiramdam. Ewan ko nga ba...

I’m sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love that opted you to pull back. When our oxymoron world gives me the things that is so good to be true, that overwhelming happiness, Instantly makes me got suspicious. I’m sorry if I become a bit distant and silent after that smallest thing that goes wrong. I’m sorry if it seems like I’m always over reacting to simple things that makes me immature. I’ve been trying to follow my head to guard my heart because I’ve been hurt before, so bad, that leads me to pick up my broken pieces for years. And I’m scared that it’s going to happen again, or shall I say it is happening again.  I’m scared that you’re going to leave. I’m scared that you’re going to break me bigtime like the once I had before. So, I’m sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love and that makes you unloved me (or not really). I’m sorry, because I really thought you are the risk that I will always take. And, I really tried my best but I guess my best wasn't good...